Part II: Pat Maguire on Love, Loss, and a Life Beyond

In this episode, Pat Maguire opens up about the moments that shaped his new book, All Things Beautiful. He talks about the night that changed everything for his family, what grief taught him, and the unexpected place where he rediscovered purpose. This is a vulnerable, grounded conversation about loss, love, sobriety, and the work of becoming whole again.

We also touch on Conor’s unforgettable senior night — the 63-point game that sparked media attention and reminded Pat of the legacy Kevin left behind.

Episode artwork photo credit: Courtesy of Joseph Wittlake / International School of San Francisco

For more reading:

• SF Chronicle Article about Conor Maguire by Mitch Stephens: https://www.sfchronicle.com/sports/high-school/article/s-f-senior-makes-record-14-3-pointers-scores-63-20160889.php
• You can find Pat’s book, All Things Beautiful, wherever books are sold.  

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The Sunset Connection — exploring the stories and histories that connect us.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome Back And Setup
• 0:36 Why Write All Things Beautiful
• 2:35 Senior Night And Kevin’s Shadow
• 6:27 Finding Voice Through Grief
• 7:42 Compassionate Friends And Tom’s Story
• 10:55 Ministry Doubts And A Chance Encounter
• 15:18 Purpose In Helping Even One Person
• 18:42 Fighting Inner Enemies Not People

Transcript

Jessica J. Ho: 0:01

Hi everyone and welcome back to the Sunset Connection. Today's episode is part two of my conversation with Pat McGuire, author of All Things Beautiful and co-founder of Java Beat. If you haven't listened to part one, I would recommend you do that first just to get a context of who Pat is. Yeah, so let's get into it. Alright. Back again for another episode of The Sunset Connection where we get to kind of really delve into your book and your life and Kevin. We didn't really get to touch upon that in the previous episode. So yeah, why don't we start with uh what inspired you to write the book, All Things Beautiful?

Pat Maguire: 0:43

Well, it was one of those things where I I knew I needed to write it, you know, and it's and it's one of those things where something gets told you told to you so many times, like, hey Pat, you should write a book. You should write a book. You know, and it's like, and if you get told something enough times, like, hey, you know, you should play basketball or you should play soccer, the the world's kind of telling you something. And it was funny because it was something I really didn't want to do. For one, I don't like writing, it's just not my thing to write. I can write, it's inside me. And when I write things, people go, Wow, that's pretty incredible. But I think that's just what's inside of me that is coming out, and so it wasn't something I wanted to do, it was something that I I heard it enough times that I knew I better start doing this right someday. You know, I started to write the book the night my my son Conor had senior night at at uh international. They were playing against Drew, and it was very emotional. And senior night is an eschaton, right? And it's you know, it's the final thing, it's the final dance. And part of why I never wrote is I I didn't see the eschaton, right? I I just saw like maybe a beginning and possibly a middle, and there was just no end. But senior night uh showed showed an eschaton and um of uh just that final thing, and it was you know, it was very emotional. Conor's coach made an incredible speech about Conor, and the unspoken thing in the gym was what Conor's been through, losing Kevin, you know, what Conor and Dylan have been through, what the family's been through, but Kevin was Conor's best friend, although Conor was only six when Kevin died. Wow, it was it was so emotional, it was like this unspoken thing that everybody in the gym was thinking Kevin. And so Conor came out and scored uh 63 points and broke school records, league records, and Drew actually was not a bad basketball team at all. Like people, like my nephew said, Who is he playing against? The school of the blind or something? I go, No, it was Drew, and they're kind of good. They actually almost beat us in the playoffs. They came with a different look. So it was just it was an exceptional night for Conor. And then even just the overall feeling in the air, and even the other team's parents, Drew's parents, stuck around and they waited for Conor to come out of the locker room to congratulate him. And that's something you rarely see in sports. But they were like, hey, we just want to say that was amazing and good job. And you know, I just thought that was incredible. And you know, it that night when we got home, the uh San Francisco Chronicle guy uh called to interview Conor about the basketball game, and like I said, the kind of the unspoken thing was is Kevin. And um and the and the Chronicle reporter said, can you tell us about Kevin? And uh Conor just had like a little silence, and you know, because Conor's very um, he keeps Kevin in his heart and plays for Kevin. And when he was little, he used to write KJM 7 on his shoes, and Conor just went silent and said, Yeah, you know, I just I keep Kevin in my heart. And it was like right at that moment where I go, I'm the guy that needs to say this. I'm the guy that needs to tell the story, at least my story. Like anybody, you know, when Conor gets older or or Dylan or Buffy could tell it in her way, because you know, life is subjective, right? It's like even where we're talking about, like growing up in the sunset, like there could be a guy grew up right next door to you who had a completely different life than you did, right? Like that guy's life might have just been he came home, did homework, you know, watched Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, and you know, maybe did some, you know what I mean? And in my life was my life. Um, so you know, you could like say, oh, it was the Sunset District, or it's the city. It was this or it was this that. But the reality is, is is life is is subjective, and you see it through your own eyes and through your own experience. When I started to go to Compassionate Friends, that's for parents who lost children. I met a guy named Tom. Meeting him was life-changing. He lost his little baby girl when she was 13 months old. Uh, his wife died on the 10th anniversary of the little baby girl's death. And then shortly after, his 13-year-old son uh collapsed on his birthday. He picked him up, brought him to the hospital. He had brain cancer, just like my son Kevin. And so this, and and they, you know, just like me, like people say, well, just pray and just believe, and you know, God won't do this again. It's just a trial and it's just a this. And then his son died. And that leaves you just wondering, what is this life? Like, what good is anything? Really? What good is prayer? What good is belief? Like, if if like, you know, you go to these prayer, I would, you know, I would bring Kevin to these prayer groups, and you know, someone would claim like their back got healed or their elbow got healed, and the, you know, and then the same guy was in a wheelchair three nights in a row and pretend he could like get up and walk. I go, these are this guy's a fraud. Like, this is fake. But I still wanted to believe in God, right? And I still wanted to believe that there's some purpose and some reason. Tom from Compassionate Friends, he says, Pat, you want healing, you tell your story, you just keep saying it. And if people can't stand to hear it or can't handle it, just that's fine. You let them go. But you keep speaking, you keep saying Kevin's name, you keep telling the world about Kevin, and not in a self-pity way, because self-pity won't serve me, but in a loving way. Like, that's my child, I love him. Like, you know, I see bumper stickers, you know, my son was on the on a roll for something, and that's nice, good, you know. I I'm proud of my children too when they do stuff. But I want to have a bumper sticker that says, you know, my son faced cancer and suffered and died, and he was a good kid. You know, you want to have that bumper sticker, you know, this is like all I'm thinking about. This is all I'm feeling. And so that was a weird, that's why I had to write the book because it's all I ever think about. So I volunteered at San Bruno and I would go there every Wednesday night. And it was a funny thing because um, you know, in jail, nobody wants to be there. Uh, that was odd and frustrating. Some people just had a completely disrespectful look on their faces while you were talking. So I would contemplate every Wednesday night, like, why am I even doing this? And um, you know, one night I was there and some guy just started like draw, like Mickey Mouse or something like that. He was just sitting there drawing. And I go, Am I bothering you in any way? I go, because you know, you're sitting there drawing, and I'm here, like, and if and if I got something to say that could help you, then you know, maybe you should have a little bit of respect.

Jessica J. Ho: 8:31

And the moment that stayed with him the most came years later.

Pat Maguire: 8:35

After Kevin died, I'm I'm questioning my own self going, like, look, like, have I done any good? Like, what have you know, has this all been just made up in my head that I was serving God or something like that? And uh I was having these questions and I was walking down Laurel Village with my youngest son, Dylan, who's he was playing basketball at the JCC, and I have all these inner questions if if I've done any good whatsoever at all. And I see a guy from San Bruno who used to help me minister to people. And I saw him and I said, Hey, what's up? And he's like, Hey Pat. And I was like, Yeah, he's like, How's everything going with you? I go, I don't know. I go, I wonder if I like if I have any purpose or reason on this planet. I go, because everything just kind of really sucks. And like I don't want to like bum you out, or I go, or you know, or be negative. I go, but I'm having a hard time, and I'm just wondering if like anything I've ever done is of any purpose or reason. And the guy said, Hey, I got a story for you, Pat. And I go, what? And he says, Yeah, I was at a a big business meeting in Oakland on Broadway Street, and we were doing, you know, because he does all the high rises, that's what he builds. He goes, a young man with uh with a collared shirt and a backpack and um you know long dreadlocks, and he goes, You're so-and-so, aren't you? And he goes, Yeah, I am. He goes, Hey, I was one of those guys in San Bruno when you and Pat came in. He goes, I just want to let you know you really changed my life. You know, because this is the guy who was drawing Mickey Mouse.

Jessica J. Ho: 10:15

Yeah.

Pat Maguire: 10:16

He goes, Tell Pat that I, you know, really respect him and I love him and I thank him. He goes, that I'm I'm going to college now. I haven't been in jail since, and I completely changed my life. And he goes, I just want to um say thank you and tell Pat thank you. And so this guy tells me this on California Street, and I go, and I started to think, well, maybe I did help one guy then. Maybe I helped one guy, and I said that to my friend. I go, Well, I guess I helped at least one guy. And he goes, Pat, you helped more than one guy. He goes, You've helped a lot of people. I was like, I don't know. And he goes, Well, you helped me. And I had forgot about that. I was like, Oh yeah, you're right. He goes, You helped me a lot, Pat. He goes, My life's completely different because of you. And you know, something like that comes with a heavy sense of humility. But what that made me realize is if honestly you could just help one person in this world, like just one person, you've done your job. Like if and if like if you truly can take a person, and because out of love and kindness and just service, that you could help somebody, then that is rewarding life. But you know, in my in my book, I talk about having ontological shock, right? Like just not even knowing why I was even born, like not even knowing why this, like, why would such an evil, hateful, horrible world even exist? And how did I get here? And what did I do to get here? And like he says, everybody's having different experiences. Like I could run into one guy and you go, hey, how's it going? Oh man, life's great. And I'm sitting there going, uh, but you know, you you internalize all that. You know, if you're having like an existential crisis, you know, especially your kid is dead, right? And you know, and and life keeps on going on. So it's like, you know, your kid dies, and you and like we're small business owners, we still have to go down and start running the business. And we're grieving, and you know, and and you run into somebody who, you know, they write a a five-tier negative Yelp because you forgot to put mustard on their sandwich. And you just go, oh, this is a tough life, you know, it's because I'm trying to I'm trying to just survive. And it's like, and you have to like go, well, you know, we should have put mustard on their sandwich. That's our fault. Even if you don't think life is fair, you have to kind of just kind of play along with the thing. But that's it, is is I I've I found back in those days that teleological experience of of reason to live. And and if if helping other people gives me some reason to get out of bed, and the first reason to live is my children and Buffy. Like that I can't just lay down. And I think that's why I, you know, included the violence and the fights in my stories, because they're very symbolic about how the fight continues, but it's a fight for a different thing when it's when you're living this uh trying to live a spiritual way of life. Instead of fighting against other people and enemies, I found out that my only true enemy is inside of me. And you know, that's like self-pity, resentment, fear, anger, selfishness. Those were those are I found were my true enemies, and and I had to start fighting them with the same zeal is I was going out and fighting other human beings, like with that same passion, because it does take it does take a fight, it takes courage to make amends and peace with people. It's easy, especially if you're in a situation of power. I like that. I I think I'm gonna win somehow, one way or the other. You know, I think I think um you'll see that you pick the wrong guy to have a fight with on any level, and that's how I used to like kind of embrace that. But you know, to to have to humble myself and seek forgiveness and also give forgiveness, that was hard for me. But I found that that that was where the um where the beauty of this world is. Nobody knows what it's like to have an enemy turn into not only peace, but actual friend. Like where they're like where you you and that person really love and respect each other because there was a forgiveness and there's a joy there. And I know that can't happen in every situation, and it doesn't, but when it does, it's powerful. And um and so I had I sort of have those experiences, and um, and so when writing my book, um, I knew that um even if I could help one person that I will have done my job, just like I used to do at San Bruno, it's recognizing the pain and alchemizing it, and then turning it into love and goodness and compassion. That's what I was faced with. I was faced with I don't know, you know, my experience now is that there is no God gonna show up for me. Not that I didn't believe in God, just you obviously didn't show up what I needed God the most. And it kind of just it it shattered my paradigm. And so I couldn't go anywhere, like I couldn't even stand going to church anymore. Because I would start hearing about, you know, like someone would say, No weapon formed against you shall prosper. And I was like, Oh, the weapon sure prospered against me. Either God hates me, or you know, or you're more holy, or you're more blessed, or you're more faithful, or something, but then what does that make me? Right? And these are the type of things that I just I had to just step away and and I and I had to realize I don't I'm not gonna understand everything, and I'm not gonna figure everything out, but I still had to kind of pick a way of life to live. And I chose love and I chose beauty because the alternative was hatred and darkness and self-pity, and I was like, I don't want to do that to myself or to my family.

Jessica J. Ho: 17:14

Pat's story about grief made me pause. It brought up my own struggles, and honestly, it gave me some hope. If he can still choose love and beauty after everything he's been through, maybe I can too. From there, we got into his life here in the sunset, Java Beach, the old days, when the great highway was still a real highway, and the only way that you could get to the beach was through those tunnels under Judah and Terabelle.

Pat Maguire: 17:37

Well, you you know, when uh in my book I write about sitting on the stairs of Judah Street, and um most of the businesses were boarded up, and and I had a vision of a of a neighborhood that was alive and thriving again, and I saw it in my mind's eye, and I walked over across the street and I looked to a to the little window at Dicks at the Beach that had been closed for five years, and I saw what Java Beach is today in my mind's eye. And then I in my mind's eye, I saw Judah Street in the neighborhood coming back to life, and that's that's actually why I did what I did. It wasn't really to sell coffee, it was I wanna um like this is my neighborhood. I love that like that corner, I had been on that corner since I was a little kid. Like I posted up on that corner, and there used to be a to there used to be a tunnel across the street that went under the Great Highway, and it went to the beach under the Great Highway that you would go through. Oh, yeah. And so that's where uh me and a lot of my friends would hang out.

Jessica J. Ho: 18:54

Where's this tunnel?

Pat Maguire: 18:55

It's right there on Judo.

Jessica J. Ho: 18:57

And now it's covered, yeah.

Pat Maguire: 18:58

There was one on Terreville and one on Judo. What? Yeah.

Jessica J. Ho: 19:03

When did they cover it?

Pat Maguire: 19:05

1989. Wow. Mm-hmm. They tore it down and and you so you didn't because the Great Highway didn't used to have uh streetlights. It was a it was a just an absolute highway. Uh-huh. There was no streetlights. So you would go if you wanted to go to the beach, you had to go through either Terraville or Judah or just run across the highway.

Jessica J. Ho: 19:27

Wow.

Pat Maguire: 19:28

Yeah. And um, and so like when I was a kid, that's where all the jag races were on the Great Highway. And I was kind of too young to like see the the the fullness of it, but we lived right up the block, and so we'd hear all the uh muscle cars and the you know it was just it was and and then was it elevated?

Jessica J. Ho: 19:50

No, it was the same. Oh, okay.

Pat Maguire: 19:53

Yeah, it just dug under, yeah. But the um, yeah, so the tunnels went under the highway. Yeah. And then the and then the the drag races would bring hundreds or thousands of people. So I remember some nights they would bring out helicopters to chase these guys away.

Jessica J. Ho: 20:10

Oh my gosh.

Pat Maguire: 20:11

Yeah, so like those guys were older than me. Like, so those guys would probably be about in their 70s now, you know, late 60s and 70s. Those were all like the teenagers when I was a kid. Yeah, the thing about San Francisco is like all the guys you grew up with, like even in every neighborhood, um, even if we all used to fight each other and stuff like that, we all know each other now and we're friends. And so, like, even like I'll know like the guys from the mission district and uh the film and Hunter's Point and the Excelsior, like we all know each other. It's funny, I have to say this, is you know, you've probably seen that people say we don't call it Frisco, right? Yeah, well, we do, and and it's us that call it Frisco, like all the guys from the neighborhood. And I think that's who might have had a different experience of the city, is all like the people who were like Frisco, right? So, like there's a lot of guys from my neighborhood who have the tattoo radicals. Oh, yeah, it's on my shirt. There you go. Like that was Herb Kane that wrote uh We Don't Call It Frisco.

Jessica J. Ho: 21:23

Uh-huh.

Pat Maguire: 21:23

And then you know how that's and then people just go with it. Yeah.

Jessica J. Ho: 21:26

So they have to keep in touch with any of those people.

Pat Maguire: 21:28

Oh, yeah. I know them all. I know the guys who are still around. Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica J. Ho: 21:33

Do you guys just see each other at church or randomly or everywhere you see everywhere?

Pat Maguire: 21:38

Yeah.

Jessica J. Ho: 21:38

Everywhere. Yeah. Thank you, Pat, for sharing all of this with us. The hard parts, the beautiful parts, and everything in between. If this conversation resonated with you, you can find his book, All Things Beautiful, wherever books are sold. This is Jessica Hope, and this is Fitz Jessica.